notperky: (Default)
i had a bunch of weird dreams last night.

in one i looked out the window and all the tall buildings around me had cars crawling all over them and in and out the windows like bugs. i was in a strange town so i thought maybe that was normal for there. and i was waiting for someone so that we could go stand outside to get a taxi to the airport. i hadn't been able to find any pants that didn't have a giant hole in the crotch so i was wearing a large white button down shirt tied around my waist. and flip flops. ew.
in an earlier part a friends dad was showing me an art exhibit that was like little bonsai fairy gardens but with real live tiny miniature animals moving around. every time i got close to it the animals would turn into plastic though.

I forgot about dream width the past 3 years! I stopped blogging on my other personal blog at least a year and a half ago and i kinda miss it. although i also don't have time for it. too many zombies to kill.

I may be back here. i'm ever so slightly less outraged with the universe lately so that makes me a bit more insipid and less likely to blog. i'm blogging about daises and shit elsewhere.

in other news i am reading a kids book entitled "girls who looked under rocks" about 6 pioneering women naturalists. the last paragraph for Maria Sibylla Merian made me burst into tears.
"Like a butterfly, Maria kept changing, too: from a girl, to a wife and mother, artist, scientist, and teacher. She kept an eye on lives so small that few others noticed their beauty. And she kept and eye on the horizon as she wondered what was beyond."
AWWWWWW!

I was thinking the other day how annoying it is when people ask kids what they want o be when they grown up. i mean, i get why people ask it. it is fascinating to wonder what little kids will be like when they grow up and we want to imagine it! mr. dude told me the other day that he wasn't sure what he wanted to be and i said something like, you don't have to be one thing you can be however many things you want.

then i told him i used to work in an office like his dad does until he was born and then i decided to stay home with him for a while and THEN decided to go back to school to become something else. How i realized that working in that kind of office wasn't for me and how much happier i am now. he asked me tons of questions.

then he informed me that he had invented a new kind of car air-conditioning in which there are VENTS that let in the outside air as it whooshes over the car. a genius i tell you.

ROUND BREAD. someone should invent it for hamburgers!
notperky: (cartoon)
I hate crafts, and blogging. And bloggers who craft and crafters who blog about crafting and bloggers in general and anyone crafty at all. My black soul and shriveled up heart wants them all to die a fiery death. The extroverts have won and blogging and crafting is all about painting some rosy picture of your life in which you are cheerful and witty and fabulous all the time, constantly churning out perfect crafts with your children, or decorated rooms worthy of a magazine with perfect photography and outfits and smiles. I hate that. It's so boring and basically just serves to make everyone else hate their shitty, boring life where they actually have to slog around cleaning the bathroom (not that I ever clean the bathroom, we just live in filth) or whatever.

I'm just bitter because I feel like a failure no matter what I do.

I sort of attempted to have a crafty business. My etsy shop was going strong for a while and i did well at craft shows but I wasn't organized enough to keep it going and i couldn't deal with shit like taxes.

The craft conference thing was too much work and we all burned out. We didn't get paid enough and while people enjoyed it and it was a worthy cause no one wanted to pay for it and now Etsy has swooped in with it's free events and lectures and conferences and shit. So much for small business...

School is kicking my ass because I don't know why. Is it all in my head? Am I stressing about homework too much? no and yes. it's total snowflake community college in which we aren't even forced to actually KNOW anything. Besides which I have no idea where this is going. If it ends up meaning i have to have my own business than the whole idea is clearly pointless. I could go to Berkeley Extension for Landscape Architecture but that is expensive and what if it was ultimately pointless and the second i got my degree I discovered that actually i really need to go back to school for underwater basketweaving because that is my true true true calling? plus, when I told vim my secret hearts yearning five year plan he looked at me like I was an idiot and suggested that I learn a new programming language.

I DO want to learn a new language but when exactly will I have time to do that? I need to write a new form and back end voting system, I have about 6 months to do it. It's on my list.

I am feeling extra sensitive. One of my friends told me that my "personality isn't for everyone". which...I don't know. isn't that true of EVERYONE'S personality? why point it out to me? wtf? also, why is this careless comment still rankling me?

I have a bunch of emails and phone calls that need to be made. This stresses me out unbelievably and I would rather burn myself with a cigarette than even think about it.

Also, I am having to fill out forms for kindergarten applications and it is making me nervous and avoidant. is that a word? it should be.

My period is making me insane lately. Like really, actually insane and freaking out crazy. so sorry if that personality trait isn't for you. If you need to talk about how much my personality sucks please discuss it in a time wasting detail with someone else.

anyway, my kid is alive and fed and wearing clothing so I count that as at least one success AND I made him a really cute CRAFTY halloween costume and I will bog about it in excruciating self hating detail soon.

P.S. Happy Monday!!!!

P.P.S. Here is a picture of a crocigator beating the shit out of a unicorn.

take that you stupid unicorn.

Dear Me,

Jun. 12th, 2009 02:02 pm
notperky: (Default)
Dear Me,
You do not need a memory erasing drug to know that you DO NOT want to be friends with someone who uses the word 'chockablock'.
Love,
Me
notperky: (Default)
Well, the first time I noticed anyway. And possibly it is imagined anyway.

Mom 1 to me: oh mom 2 is having a craft night. when she decides on a date i'll invite you.

mom2 to mom1: no way! do not invite her!

me: sad the next day when all the kids show up for playgroup in shirts their moms made for them at the craft night I was not invited to.

Oh ouch! Well, it is true that I don't know that mom very well so why should she invite me?
notperky: (Default)
I woke up at 5am thinking about interest rates.

I knew that rates for mortgages fluctuated but it hadn't occurred to me that they would fluctuate so much that suddenly you wouldn't be able to afford the houses that you were looking at. I mean, we could technically be able to pay it but then wouldn't have enough left over to live comfortably.

The interest rate for our loan went up by a full point in the 3 weeks since we got our pre-approval!!!!

And just when we found a house we both really like! It had all the things we were looking for PLUS solar panels. A nice big backyard for Mr. Pants. Summer is here and Jack likes to be outside and living here that means basically hanging out in a big parking lot and I live in fear that the one second I go inside someone will get in their car and not see Jack. It kind of sucks for me to not be able to have him play outside while I do the dishes or whatever. Also sucking is that I can't see over the short kitchen counter thusly blocking my view of the front door and porch. Being short REALLY SUCKS sometimes.

We could still offer for the house if the interest rates go down. Or we could go to another mortgage broker. Is going to another mortgage broker bad because then they run your credit again and having your credit run makes your credit worse? Something like that... is that true?!

We have til end of day Friday to make an offer.

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