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[personal profile] notperky
I hate crafts, and blogging. And bloggers who craft and crafters who blog about crafting and bloggers in general and anyone crafty at all. My black soul and shriveled up heart wants them all to die a fiery death. The extroverts have won and blogging and crafting is all about painting some rosy picture of your life in which you are cheerful and witty and fabulous all the time, constantly churning out perfect crafts with your children, or decorated rooms worthy of a magazine with perfect photography and outfits and smiles. I hate that. It's so boring and basically just serves to make everyone else hate their shitty, boring life where they actually have to slog around cleaning the bathroom (not that I ever clean the bathroom, we just live in filth) or whatever.

I'm just bitter because I feel like a failure no matter what I do.

I sort of attempted to have a crafty business. My etsy shop was going strong for a while and i did well at craft shows but I wasn't organized enough to keep it going and i couldn't deal with shit like taxes.

The craft conference thing was too much work and we all burned out. We didn't get paid enough and while people enjoyed it and it was a worthy cause no one wanted to pay for it and now Etsy has swooped in with it's free events and lectures and conferences and shit. So much for small business...

School is kicking my ass because I don't know why. Is it all in my head? Am I stressing about homework too much? no and yes. it's total snowflake community college in which we aren't even forced to actually KNOW anything. Besides which I have no idea where this is going. If it ends up meaning i have to have my own business than the whole idea is clearly pointless. I could go to Berkeley Extension for Landscape Architecture but that is expensive and what if it was ultimately pointless and the second i got my degree I discovered that actually i really need to go back to school for underwater basketweaving because that is my true true true calling? plus, when I told vim my secret hearts yearning five year plan he looked at me like I was an idiot and suggested that I learn a new programming language.

I DO want to learn a new language but when exactly will I have time to do that? I need to write a new form and back end voting system, I have about 6 months to do it. It's on my list.

I am feeling extra sensitive. One of my friends told me that my "personality isn't for everyone". which...I don't know. isn't that true of EVERYONE'S personality? why point it out to me? wtf? also, why is this careless comment still rankling me?

I have a bunch of emails and phone calls that need to be made. This stresses me out unbelievably and I would rather burn myself with a cigarette than even think about it.

Also, I am having to fill out forms for kindergarten applications and it is making me nervous and avoidant. is that a word? it should be.

My period is making me insane lately. Like really, actually insane and freaking out crazy. so sorry if that personality trait isn't for you. If you need to talk about how much my personality sucks please discuss it in a time wasting detail with someone else.

anyway, my kid is alive and fed and wearing clothing so I count that as at least one success AND I made him a really cute CRAFTY halloween costume and I will bog about it in excruciating self hating detail soon.

P.S. Happy Monday!!!!

P.P.S. Here is a picture of a crocigator beating the shit out of a unicorn.

take that you stupid unicorn.
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notperky

March 2014

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